TNGPTB 1 Strange Things Happening
by Cotton Candy Zarbon
Summary: Well, one day Gohan died and went to H.F.I.L. .... there he met some very OOC guys....in bikinis . . .


WARNING: This fanfic contains OOC...um....well I'll be blunt....almost everyone in this is OOC....except for maybe Frieza o _ 0 : )  
  
STORY #1 IN THE SERIES: THERE'S NO GAYER PLACE TO BE..  
  
STRANGE THINGS HAPPENING . . . a.k.a. Oh shit . . .  
  
By Jessica Massey a.k.a. Cotton Candy Zarbon o _ 0 March 16, 2004  
  
Well one day, for no reason at all, Gohan died. The surprising thing is (besides his unexplained death) was that he went to Hell. Not understanding why, he wondered around the barren place and tried to find somebody to ask why in hell was he down here. Tiring of his endless search he laid down by a gigantic bolder and next thing he knew, he was asleep (even though I don't think they sleep in hell).  
  
"What's he doing down here?"  
  
"I don't know, aren't you supposed to be smart?"  
  
"That sure is a pretty shirt he has on."  
  
"For Dende's sake, shut up!"  
  
"Sorry I just liked his shirt."  
  
"Uh, it's terrible enough to be down here, but with you guys it's twenty times worse."  
  
"I wonder if he is a good kisser?"  
  
"How the hell should I know? Why don't you find out for yourself?"  
  
"What if he has cooties?"  
  
"If I weren't already dead I would have long ago committed suicide."  
  
Gohan had so far slept through this conversation, but refreshed from his nap and being a light sleeper he woke up. He jumped up in horror as he saw Cell, Frieza and Buu hovering over him. What shocked him even more was their appearance (well Frieza's anyway). Frieza was wearing a polka-dotted flowery dress and had on a straw hat with a sunflower stuck in the front of it (to top it all of he was carrying a matching pink polka-dotted flowery purse). Cell looked kinda scared and had not changed much except for his plaid kilt. Dressed in a lovely kai outfit, Buu, looking depressed, wished he had not taken Frieza's advice on his apparel.  
  
"Oh my Dende! NOT you guys!" Gohan yelled in absolute horror.  
  
"Well were not all that please to see you either, Sugarkins!" teased Frieza in his beautiful dress.  
  
"Is there never an end to this torture?" remarked Buu sadly.  
  
Having now noticed Frieza's unusual pet, a squirrel, Gohan wished he was anywhere BUT here. Smiling wonderfully, Frieza noticed Gohan's glance and starting explaining (to everyone's horror) the story of his squirrel.  
  
"Mr. Fluffy-wuffy Head here is my beautiful pet." The squirrel looked absolutely adorable in his polka-dotted flowery dress, an exact miniature of Frieza's. "You see when he was on Earth he was an evil squirrel. One day he stole another squirrel's nuts. Good King Yemma, decided that Mr. Fluffy-wuffy Head should be sent down here. Not being a real evil squirrel, I adopted him and he is now my adopted child."  
  
Everyone except for Frieza wanted to be dead (oh wait, they already were o_0).  
  
"It's no use ignoring the strange flowery dress creature," Cell remarked. "He doesn't notice it when you are not listening so why even bother with it."  
  
"By the way," polka-dotted Frieza said, "you are all invited to my fash-"  
  
"NO FOR DENDE'S SAKE, NO! PLEASE FRIEZA NOT THE FASHION SHOW!" Buu screamed hysterically. You see Frieza liked to put on these fashion shows's quite often... Of course, being in Hell, everyone was forced to attend as part of their eternal suffering. This was the worse part of their tortures that they had to endure. Nobody wanted to see the horror of Frieza in a dress, not for very long anyway. Many guests attend the fashion show, receiving special permission from King Yemma to spend a day in hell.  
  
There were also many that participated in the fashion show, showing off their fabulous designs from Frieza's lovely own fashion line. It was called Lovely Frieza of course.  
  
Gohan stared in wonder at all of this. He wished to have any torture ever created except for this "fashion show"....  
  
Now that he was down in hell, Gohan was forced to attend the Lovely Frieza Fashion Show....  
  
The event started and all of hell's occupants took their seats. Frieza came out on the purple catwalk and introduced his new line of clothes. It was called Lovely Frieza's Day at the Beach Swimsuit Collection.... Everyone gasped in horror at the thought of the insane white lizard in a swimsuit.  
  
First out after Frieza stepped behind the purple curtain, was of course, Frieza himself. Wearing a lovely pink and purple polka-dotted flower swimsuit, Frieza strutted his stuff (along with Mr. Fluffy-wuffy Head in a matching suit, of course). All there were relieved when he went back behind the curtain.  
  
Next out was Nappa in a horrible too-revealing bikini. It was bright pink and had a lovely little hawaiian flower design. Believe me, seeing Nappa in a bikini is a torture by itself.  
  
In the background music started playing and to everyone's shock and horror it was the Y.M.C.A. song by the Village People....also very much unfortunately....Frieza came out again in a blue polka-dotted bikini and started singing along with the song.....but he had changed the words somewhat:  
  
"....it's fun to stay at H. F. I. L., it's fun to stay at H. F. I. L..." and he had also made up the hand movements to go along with his version. Somebody actually got up the nerve to tell him to get off the stage. Crushed, Frieza made his way off the stage in his lovely bikini. Crying silently he stopped the music and the show continued. I think the person that committed the atrocity was Buu.  
  
The purple curtains parted and out stepped the entire Ginyu Force in bikinis. Showing off the new poses they had made especially for the occasion, many of the local residents saw a bit more of the Ginyu Force then they would have liked to. To the relief of everyone they soon exited the stage after Burter made a critical mistake in their third pose. They had been too embarrassed by the mistake to continue on, even though nobody noticed the mistake because they were all looking away from the Ginyu Force as they made their poses in their fuscia bikinis.  
  
Now came the Android Special part of the fashion show. A very embarrassed looking Dr. Gero and 17 took to the stage in lovely matching green bikinis. It wasn't soon before the whole audience was trying their absolute best not to laugh...including Frieza. The two quickly left the stage.  
  
"I must remember not to ever come back to this wretched place," commented Gohan to the person on his left, which just happened to be Raditz. Not realizing whom he had spoken to, Gohan continued to gaze silently at the stage praying that it would all end soon...  
  
Raditz on the other hand, recognized his nephew and decided to use the opportunity to speak to Gohan. "Um...excuse me, Gohan... I know we haven't always been that close, but I am still your uncle... If you're not doing anything after the show, would you like to come over so we could get to know each other better? We can catch up on family matters and stuff like that..."  
  
Stunned and finally realizing who he spoken to, Gohan thought for a moment. "Sorry, um...uncle... I don't plan on staying much longer down here. The first chance I get, I'm gone."  
  
"Well, I'm sorry to hear that Gohan. We could have become real good buddies. It sure does get lonely down here in hell. Oh well...I think Nappa would have been jealous of me giving all my attention to you. He is a big brute, but hell...he sure is jealous....*acquires a dreamy look in his eyes*..... Yes, he's jealous of other men being with me and he is a sweetie..."  
  
At this point, Gohan slid away from his uncle as much as he possibly could without bumping into Cell who was sitting on his right. Cell did notice the young man sliding towards him and perceived it in the wrong way and slid a little closer to Gohan...subtly adjusting the kilt to expose his perfect thighs...  
  
Frieza once again walked out onto the catwalk with Mr. Fluffy-wuffy Head. The two were now wearing matching red and yellow polka-dotted bikinis... "Now here is the part of the Lovely Frieza Fashion Show that you have all been waiting for...the Grand Finale!!" Frieza said with pride. Stepping down from the show he now again turned to the CD player and pressed a few buttons....  
  
All of a sudden a disco ball came down (which is strange considering how there is no ceiling about the stage) and the little dots of light went sparkling around the whole area. Some hippie sounding music came on and after a few words of the song everyone realized what song it was...  
  
Frieza started clapping and everyone else sat there with their mouths open....  
  
The song was now audible....but the words had changed....just a little.....  
  
"He wore an itsy bitsy, teeny weeny yellow polka-dot bikini..."  
  
Out stepped King Cold....in a itsy bitsy, teeny weeny yellow polka-dot bikini....the audience was very silent....they were too disgusted to say anything.... To tell the truth the bikini would have been too small for Frieza....which was the saddest thing of all about the whole thing.... It appeared as though King Cold had tried to cover himself with a yellow polka- dot tissue.  
  
The excitement had been too much for Dodoria....he had fainted dead away....well not dead away....since he was already dead....  
  
An encouraging whistle came from the right side of the stage....Zarbon liked the way his Master's father looked in the bikini....  
  
A spot was cleared as Gohan puked all over the ground....many were so disgusted with Gohan they moved as far away from his possible.... (they had seen this before and had actually grown quite accustomed to the site of King Cold in a bikini....several of them's sole purpose for attending the fashion show was to catch a glimpse of the mighty tyrant in a bikini....he was their idol....unfortunately among these was another royal dead guy....King Vegeta.... o . 0 ) Yes, it was strange that Frieza freaked them out in a bikini and King Cold had the opposite affect....to most of them anyway....hey gimme a break, it's a PWP Fanfic ok?  
  
Tears of joy wear flowing from Frieza's eyes. His fashion show had been such a success.....even if Gohan had puked all over the place....  
  
This day had been the worse day in Gohan's entire life....well afterlife anyway....  
  
Unfortunately this was not the end to the torment....many had come prepared....Gohan had wondered why they had all been wearing bath robes....he just had thought that hell had been too tough on their minds....soon he found out that his reasoning was totally and most unfortunately wrong as they all took off their robes.....to reveal their latest purchase....itsy bitsy, teeny weeny yellow polka-dot bikinis....if Gohan hadn't of been dead he would have had a heart attack at the sight of his former enemies running around in bikinis....especially those bikinis....  
  
"NO NO! THIS IS TOO MUCH! DENDE NO!" Gohan screamed at the top of his voice....  
  
~  
  
"Gohan! Gohan, wake up! You're having a nightmare!"  
  
Gohan slowly opened his eyes....he sighed in relief....it had all been a dream....  
  
How shocked he was when he saw who had awoken him.....it was King Cold....in an itsty bitsy, teeny weeny, yellow polka-dot bikini....  
  
Ta dah!!! THE END (No offense to the characters previously mentioned....almost all of them are my favorite DBZ guys....even Lovely Frieza....)  
  
I had help on this one....I want to thank Briana for being the lovely little sister that she is....maybe I haven't corrupted her too terribly bad..... : ) 


End file.
